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Star Trek Reboot: Slashy!
What happens when the most intense relationship in your movie is between the two male leads that you cast for prettiness? Self-writing slash!
So it turns out that this entire movie was about how Future Spock yentas his hot, younger self with the hot, younger James T. Kirk.
Even before the appearance of Mary Sue Spock, the vibe of true love's destiny between Kirk and Spock was strong, as characteristic of One True Pairing slash.
It did/n't help that young Spock was laying sexyeyes on young Kirk from the first time they met. Or that young Kirk's horndoggedness came from a position of insecurity compared to William Shatner's droit de seigneur aura. To paraphrase The Devil on Reaper: in the original series, Kirk didn't chase tail -- it chased him (and sometimes wanted to kill him).
The alternate timeline explanation was a clever way of linking the movie to canon while giving the reboot license to depart from the established Trek mythology. However, it also gave the movie an alternate universe slash reality!
These slashy thoughts couldn't help but be thunk as the plot of the movie was both ridiculous and lurchy. Thank goodness there were just enough humour and explosions to be entertaining.
I was fine with Zachary Quinto's more human Spock, especially given the age and station of the character. Chris Pine lacked a sense of budding gravitas and is cursed with a helium-inflected voice, so he kicked me out of the moment pretty much whenever he was on camera.
Everyone else was fine, although I didn't like the fact that JJ Abrahms made Anton Yelchin adopt that exaggerated Russian accent for Chekov: ESL jokes, that's the Federation spirit!
Zoe Saldana and John Cho got to play Uhuru and Sulu with a lot more characterization than those characters had in the entire run of the first series. However, I wasn't crazy about Uhuru being both Kirk and Spock's beard. Whatever. Kirk and Spock will soon realize she's just an excuse/faux obstacle to their destined path together!
I didn't like the promotion of the Enterprise to being a flagship. It took away a layer that reflected the rise through Federation ranks of scrappy Kirk, mongrel Spock and their rag-tag crew.
I did like that the first person in the new crew to die was a guy wearing a high tech red ensign suit!
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